G

Garden Cane
After writing a series of anonymous letters to Di in which they threatened to impale her on a sharp stick, Al and Tina stole a length of cane from the garden in order to make the threats a reality. Luckily, Di figured out their plan before any real harm was done (s5ep3).

In need of some protection from Fenner, Pat made herself a weapon by sharpening the end of a garden cane and smuggled it onto the wing seemingly right under Di’s nose (s7ep10). The weapon was discovered shortly after Fenner’s murder, making Pat the logical prime suspect. However, analysis of the blood on the end of the cane exonerated Pat and, what later transpired to be Di’s plan to frame her for the murder, backfired (s7ep11).

Gary
A drug-dealing mate of Denny’s who provided her and Shell with a place to lie low after their escape. The fugitives repaid his hospitality by snorting his cocaine and stealing all his cash (s3ep8).

Geeson, Selena
Although she only joined the Prison Service to be close to her girlfriend, Kris, Selena was actually very good at her job. In fact, she was one of the very few Pos on G-Wing who managed to be competent, efficient… and sane! However, her relationship with Kris could only be kept a secret for so long and, when it eventually came to light (s6ep12), her blossoming career was over.

Read Selena’s character profile.

Generator
Larkhall has a backup electrical generator, but it failed to come on during the severe snowstorm that knocked out the mains power. Gifted engineer, Phyl, was duly sent to fix it. Despite several set-backs, including her escort, Hollamby, fainting when a rat crawled up her skirt, she managed to restore heat and light to G-Wing (s7ep13).

George
Maintenance man who was sent to repair the ‘broken’ tumble-drier in which Pat and the Julies had hidden Natalie’s corpse. Although not usually known for their quick-thinking, on this occasion, the Julies saved the day by distracting him with a fictitious sink blockage in the servery (s8ep8).

“Get to fuck”
Zandra scrawled this charming phrase on an anti-drug poster whilst waiting to be processed through reception (s1ep2).

Gin and Tonic
Phyl and Bev’s alcoholic tipple of choice. They smuggled a supply into Larkhall hidden inside Bev’s art kit (s5ep3) and have devoted the majority of their time to the continuing pursuit of it.

Glasses
As in the “piss and crap” pair prescribed to Zandra after she complained of severe headaches (s2ep6).

Gnasher
Pen-name used by Al and Tina to write threatening letters to Di (s5ep2). Shortly after Di uncovered their plot, Gnasher refocused her attention on Neil. Di deluded herself that the threats might force Neil to see the error of his homosexual ways and instead, take his marriage vows seriously. Of course, all it did was provide Neil with more proof of Di’s loopiness.

Golf
A sad game played by sad old blokes, Fenner and Stubberfield included.

Golf Club
Denny got a hole-in-one when she laid Bobby Hollamby out with one of his own golf clubs (s3ep8).

Goodhue, Mandy
Although not the brightest bulb in the pack, Mandy is a good sort. She’s black and openly gay, but despite this, has formed an unlikely alliance with Larkhall’s most homophobic and racist member of staff—Hollamby. Mandy lived in marital bliss with her long-time partner, Sandy, until being dumped in favour of another Larkhall PO (s8ep11).

Read Mandy’s character profile.

Goody Bag
Hastily assembled by the Julies and then given to Dawn to be smuggled down the block for Nikki (s1ep1). The bag contained a packet of Superkings cigarettes, a carton of Ribena and a Kit-Kat and reduced a grateful Nikki to tears.

Gordon, Crystal
A devout Christian who drove everyone on G-Wing to distraction with her hymn singing, guitar strumming, and constant preaching. A softer side of Crystal was revealed when she fell for maintenance man, Josh Mitchell, and then moved in with him after her release (s2ep13). Crystal’s post-release happiness was short-lived though and, after a visit from escapees Shell and Denny (s3ep8), she ended up back behind bars (s3ep9). Although initially furious, Josh softened enough to marry Crystal in a secret ceremony (s3ep10). Their union was consummated in the laundry cupboard and nine months later, their daughter, Zandra, was born on the floor of the four-bed dorm (s4ep9).

Read Crystal’s character profile.

Gossard, Detective Constable
The police officer Nikki killed after he tried to rape her then girlfriend, Trisha. Several years later, Nikki’s solicitor found a former colleague of Gossard’s, a woman called Sally Ann Howe, who was prepared to testify that he raped her. As a result of this evidence, Nikki was given leave to appeal against her sentence. After hearing Sally Ann’s testimony, the appeals judges accepted that Nikki had been provoked and reduced her murder conviction to one of manslaughter (s3ep16).

Gough, Stella
Transfer from HMP Broadfield whose ambition to join the Army after her release attracted the attention of ex-Sergeant Major, Joy (s8ep4). The other inmates suspected Stella of having the hots for Joy, but they couldn’t have been more wrong; she was in actual fact the daughter Joy gave up for adoption! Stella had been led to believe she was the result of a rape, but when she learned that Joy lied about this in order to make the adoption process easier, it sparked a violent reaction. After attacking Joy with a shiv, Stella was transferred out of Larkhall (s8ep5).

Graffiti
Boredom induced Zandra to write “Get to fuck” on an anti-drugs poster (s1ep2), and Shell forced Barbara to scrawl the accusation “Fenner is a rapist” on a corridor wall (s2ep6). The Julies proclaimed Yvonne’s innocence when she was accused of Virginia’s murder with black marker pens, and also unmasked the real perpetrators: “Maxi Purvis + Al McKenzie done it” (s4ep3). The words “Adios Atkins” were painted on an exterior wall after Yvonne’s ‘escape’, and no matter how many times Di ordered them scrubbed off, they kept reappearing (s6ep1).

Grass
Slang term for anyone who informs on their fellow inmates. Not to be confused with the green stuff that grows in fields and is eaten by cows.

Grayling, Neil
Gay Governing Governor who arrived at Larkhall with a line in patronising smiles and management gobbledegook (s4ep2). Initially, he was so far in the closet he entered into a disastrous marriage of convenience with Di (s4ep15), and deluded enough to actually want to sexually harass Fenner. However, eventually he did come out, develop a conscience, and start to care about the welfare of Larkhall’s inmates. Neil’s career in the Prison Service was ultimately doomed though. He would have lost his job after Fenner successfully took him to an industrial tribunal (s6ep10), had Fenner not been later sent to jail (s7ep1), and then later, Phyl and Bev’s escape saw him replaced by Joy and then demoted to Wing Governor (s7ep11). He was later found dead in his office, victim of the outbreak of Legionnaire’s disease that also caused the death of an inmate (s8ep1).

Read Neil’s character profile.

Greece
Country in South-East Europe popular with British holidaymakers. Dominic went to Greece on holiday (s2ep13) and decided to stay after falling in love with a local girl.

Green, Mrs
FE teacher who encouraged Julie S in her decision to resume her education (s4ep15).

Greer, Detective Constable
One of the team of detectives who investigated Renee Williams’ sudden death (s2ep11).

Greyhound Racing
A popular form of gambling, similar to horse racing. Thomas took Helen to ‘the dogs’ for their first date (s3ep14).

Group Therapy
Organised by Karen and chaired by her friend, Meg Richards, and attended by Shell, Denny, and Zandra (s2ep5). The sessions had a detrimental effect on Shell’s stability, and when her childhood demons began to surface, she suffered a complete mental breakdown (s2ep6).

Grumpy
The name of the character played by Janine in G-Wing’s pantomime, Snow Black (s7ep13).

Guardian, The
A British newspaper known for its support of left-wing politics, and which has twice inspired Crystal’s muse. Her first letter forced Helen’s drugs policy on G-Wing into the spotlight and placed her career in jeopardy (s1ep9). Crystal’s second letter was written shortly after the birth of her daughter, Zandra, and contained dead cockroaches from the MBU (s4ep9). This time, Di intercepted the letter before it reached the letters page.

Guitar
Over the years, Crystal has driven Hollamby to absolute distraction with her hymn singing and guitar strumming. Yvonne was quick to notice this and so formed the Larkhall Gospel Tabernacle Choir and arranged for twelve guitars to be delivered to the prison. The ensuing cacophony drove the POs mad and they all fell over themselves in their haste to sign the inmates’ petition against closed visits, which of course, was Yvonne’s intention all along (s1ep10). Shaz was also a bit handy with a guitar and once charmed the whole wing with her rendition of ‘Scarborough Fair’ (s3ep3).

Gun
Planted in Karen’s handbag by Ritchie Atkins (s4ep16) and later concealed and smuggled to Snowball by one of her henchwomen, Terri (s5ep1). Snowball used the gun to force Karen to smuggle her out of Larkhall and drive her to meet Ritchie (s5ep2). Ritchie stepped in when Snowball tried to shoot Karen, and in the ensuing struggle he was shot (s5ep3).

Phyl and Bev discovered a gun and a bag of diamonds hidden in a safe inside the hotel suite patronised by Russian gangster, Sergei Konchalovky. Phyl later shot Dr Nicholson dead when she found him trying to murder Hollamby (s7ep9).

Tina stole the replica gun that formed part of Mandy’s line-dancing outfit, and then used it to stage a hold-up in a building society. Tina’s intention was to earn herself a one-way ticket back to Larkhall, but her plan backfired when she frightened one of her hostages into a heart-attack (s8ep7). After her subsequent arrest, she was remanded to Larkhall on a charge of manslaughter (s8ep8).

Gym
Frequently used by the inmates to settle their differences. Shaz battered Maxi during their organised fight (s4ep11). Pat’s fight with Natalie was much more of an even match until Pat eventually came out on top.