Rachel is besotted with Fenner and asks him if they will still be able to see each other when she is released from prison. She gives him a love letter but he tears it up and flushes it down the toilet before admonishing her for committing the details of their relationship to paper—that’s the way that secrets are discovered and Principal Officers are sacked! What Fenner doesn’t realise is that the secret is already out—Nikki has already tried and failed to warn Rachel off and Shell is also beginning to suspect that something is going on.
It’s visiting day and Zandra is praying that her fiancé, Robin will smuggle in her next fix. However, Robin arrives empty-handed and informs her that he’s gotten clean. Sensing that she may be on the verge of losing him, Zandra sets about planning a Larkhall wedding. Helen refuses to give her permission for the ceremony—Zandra is a known drug user after all. However, she is encouraged when she hears that the inmate has decided to come clean and offers her a deal—if Zandra successfully completes the prison’s detox programme, she will consider giving her permission.
Although Helen is doing everything she can to make Monica comfortable, including moving her up to a cell on G3, she is still finding it hard to bear the separation from her son. Realising that Monica is on the verge of despair, Nikki tries to raise her spirits by suggesting that she contact her solicitor and focus on trying to win an appeal against her conviction.
Zandra is proudly modelling the wedding dress made for her by the Julies when she is summoned to Helen’s office. Helen must break the news that Robin has gotten engaged to another woman. Helen calls Robin into Larkhall to speak with a stunned and disbelieving Zandra. It may have been an act of compassion on Helen’s behalf, but Robin’s half-hearted explanation of being forced to bow to family pressure only serves to make a bad situation worse. A woman scorned, Zandra reacts by launching herself at Robin and stabbing him in the face with Helen’s pen.
New inmate Crystal Gordon arrives on G-Wing complete with guitar, bible, and a determination to criticise everyone and everything unchristian in her path. She is allocated a bunk in the four-bed dorm where she successfully faces down an attempt at intimidation by Shell who chooses to retaliate by snogging Denny in front of her. But it’s not only lesbianism that Crystal objects to, as Helen finds out when she’s on the receiving end of an anti-drugs tirade.
Fuelled by the rumours of Rachel’s relationship with Fenner, Shell decides to up the tempo of her campaign of intimidation by viciously beating her. As Rachel cowers, battered and bloody on the floor of her cell, Shell threatens to cut her up. Later, Rachel collapses in the dinner queue and is escorted down to the hospital wing. Meanwhile, Zandra also breaks down and reveals to Crystal that she is carrying Robin’s baby.
Memorable Moments
Fenner – “Listen to me you interfering dyke. Just keep that snout of yours where it belongs or you’ll end up shagging the end of my boot!”
Nikki – “You really know how to talk to a woman, don’t you Fenner?”
Zandra – “Pull the other one, it farts Elvis!”
Shell – “Going for something a bit more upmarket are you Wade?”
Nikki – “Get lost Dockley!”
Shell – “What’s she got that the other girls ain’t? Mink instead of beaver?”
Nikki – “Any more of that and I’ll wipe that filthy gob of yours right across your face!”
Zandra – “Give up? In here? Yeah, and the Pope buys French ticklers from Tesco’s!”
Dominic – “What’s wrong with her?”
Denny – “Her pet cockroach got stood on.”
Julie S – “What is the point of getting married inside?”
Julie J – “She’s right, you ain’t even gonna get a honeymoon.”
Julie S – “Or a shag.”
Hollamby – “There’s about as much chance of Zandra Plackett coming off the nasty as there is of Cliff Richard inviting me up to his hotel room for cream cakes and sex.”
Hollamby – “Right, I’ll leave you two to get to know each other. Just be careful the way you look at her.”
Crystal – “Anybody better be careful the way they look at me or I’ll take their eye out.”
Hollamby – “Fine, just as long as you clean up the mess afterwards.”
Shell – “Enjoy that did you? Crystaaal?”
Crystal – “Will you two be so hot for each other when you’re burning in hell? I’ll ask God to forgive you.”
Shell – “Bollocks! In here I’m God…remember it!”
Fenner – “I’d like to think I get along with most of the girls in here.”
Helen – “Women Jim, it’s not a Swiss finishing school.”
Fenner – “I swear I’m going to swing for that cow one day!”
Hollamby – “You’ll get in line like the rest of us.”
Crystal – “We’re in here ‘cause we done wrong and what do we get? Karaoke, TV, cookery, drugs and weddings…that ain’t what I call punishment. No wonder people come back for more!”
