Hollamby fails in her attempts to get the Union to support an all-out strike. There’s only one thing for it then, a mass ‘sickie’ where each PO will report in too ill to work. Karen takes phone call after phone call from G-Wing’s officers and soon realises that she has no staff to work. Understaffing means a 24/7 lock-down for the inmates, a situation that Helen finds unacceptable. She suggests that the inmates be allowed to run the wing for themselves. Stubberfield is reluctant, but Karen is willing to give it a try—as long as Shell Dockley remains on cellular confinement. After unlock, Karen makes every effort to convince Helen that her relationship with Fenner has not affected her professional judgement of him.
Having won her case for electronic tagging, Julie S is now safely installed in Monica Lindsey’s halfway house. She is however in turmoil, having left behind Julie J whose own request for a tag was turned down because of the incident with Babes Behind Bars punter, John. Julie S is also anxiously anticipating the arrival of Trevor, her ex-boyfriend and father to her son, David. During their first meeting, Julie S feels old emotions beginning to stir and they’re clearly reciprocated by Trevor. Julie S worries that Trevor will reject her if he knows about her past, so she and Monica initially present themselves as travel agents. But, having been urged by Monica to tell the truth, Julie comes clean. Convinced that she’s blown it, she begs him to be come to the play for David’s sake and then flees.
Left alone on the wing, the inmates can’t believe their luck. Shaz and Denny are put on servery duty and spend more time mucking around than they do serving food. They are watched from afar by Julie J who is putting on a front to mask the deep depression she feels at Julie S’s ‘rejection’ of her. Meanwhile, Yvonne takes advantage of her unexpected freedom by making a play for Josh and is crushed when he turns her down—she’s way too old for him. Nikki tries to persuade her to cut her losses and turn to another inmate for gratification, but Yvonne would rather “shag Fenner” than “turn lezzie”. All-in-all, the inmates are self-managing G-Wing rather well…then Yvonne makes a startling discovery: a kitchen knife has gone missing.
At home, Di is heart-broken. She has learnt that Dominic has fallen in love with a girl he met on holiday and has decided to stay with her in Greece. She surveys her McAllister shrine with tears in her eyes as the reality of spending the rest of her life alone with her bed-ridden mother begins to overwhelm her. She is teetering on the edge of a nervous breakdown and responds to her mother’s cries by smacking her. Back at Larkhall, Stubberfield does a deal with Hollamby—he’ll reinstate her as a Senior Officer if she agrees to call off the protest.
Yvonne immediately suspects that Shaz has stolen the knife and orders Denny to keep watch as she searches the dorm. After coming up empty-handed, Yvonne confronts Shaz who protests her innocence. The girls are left with no option but to fruitlessly search every cell on the wing. Nikki resorts to making a fake knife and she and Yvonne hope that it will fool Karen until the real knife is found. Barbara meanwhile is convinced that the knife has been stolen by someone contemplating suicide. Nikki deduces that Yvonne is the guilty party and demands that she hand the knife over. An amused Yvonne is quick to put Nikki right—she’s sexually frustrated, not suicidal! Nikki offers to put her in touch with a male escort service.
Monica and Julie S arrive at David’s school. The play is about to start when Trevor makes an appearance and there’s an emotional moment when he sees his son for the first time. Unfortunately, Julie’s joy is short-lived. She is struck by an overwhelming sense of doom and becomes convinced that Julie J is in trouble. Her hunch is right, Julie J is in deep despair and preparing to end it all with the missing knife. Trevor is eventually persuaded to drive Julie to Larkhall, but disaster strikes when the POs refuse to let her in. Julie S sees her chance—a delivery van is leaving, giving her the perfect opportunity to jump into the car and make a mercy dash before the gates close again. Up on G-Wing, Julie J looks out of the window to see Julie S screaming up at her through the sun roof of Trevor’s car. Julie J is delighted, and so are the other inmates who start to chant as Julie S is led away. Later on, Julie J returns the knife to the cupboard.
Memorable Moments
Karen – “That little incident – giving the hand-job under the table in the visitor’s room – didn’t help you much.”
Julie S – “But…”
Julie J, Julie S – “That was nothing!”
Karen – “It’s out of my hands, no pun intended.”
Nikki – “Where are you off to?”
Josh – “The usual; blocked drain innit?”
Yvonne – (Watches Josh walk up the stairs) “Wouldn’t mind him giving my drain a good rodding!”
Nikki – “Well suppose Josh isn’t up for it?”
Yvonne – “Are you saying I can’t pull?”
Nikki – “What I’m saying is that if you’re so desperate for it, find someone on the same side of the wire…no one would bat an eyelid. It’s a lot easier and you won’t end up down the block.”
Yvonne – “You’re joking? Turn lezzie? I’d rather shag bleedin’ Fenner first!”
Julie S – “Tell you summat Mon; never mind the bricks; I’m shitting three-bed bloody semis!”
Monica – “Macbeth? It’s one of Shakespeare’s tragedies.”
Julie S – “What? You mean it ain’t no good?”
Yvonne – “How many screws does it take to change a lightbulb? Six – one to take it out and five to beat the shit out of it ‘cause it went on the blink! Mr Fenner walks into a bar and says to the barmaid – excuse me love, can I have a pint of lager? She says – sorry love, we only do bottles!”
Nikki – “A saucepan handle and a cutlery knife covered in silver foil…tape ‘em together…(places makeshift knife in knife cupboard)…and there you have it.”
Yvonne – “What do you think this is? Bleedin’ ‘Blue Peter’?”
Nikki – “I know you’re going through a difficult time right now but give me the knife and let me help you.”
Yvonne – “I’m not suicidal you stupid cow, I just want a shag! And as far as helping me goes darling, you just haven’t got the tackle.”
Nikki – “Wanna bet?”
