Following Barbara’s assertive retaliation, Shell is now nursing a broken wrist. Worried and alone, Barbara guiltily confesses to Karen that she was responsible, but Shell still insists she fell. Of course, Shell has an ulterior motive for refusing to allow Barbara to take the blame—she doesn’t want to lose what little face she has left by admitting that a 50-year-old woman broke her arm!
Julie J is feeling broody, seeing Zandra’s baby son, Robbie at the memorial service has stirred in her the desire to have a child. The Julies are both determined and resourceful women, and are resolved to get what they want, regardless of the overpowering obstacles facing them. However, when the chaplain and Dominic both refuse to fall for Julie J’s charms, it looks like the grand plan may have hit a brick wall. Then Julie J decides that one of her regular phone punters, John, would be ideal sperm donor material. She asks him for a photo and then sends him a visiting order.
Denny and Shaz have immediately become firm friends and are playing pranks all over G-Wing. Shaz picked up some pretty good tricks on remand, and teaches Denny how to stuff the keyhole of their cell full of toilet paper so that the door doesn’t close properly. After lock-up, the whole of the wing is theirs! The next day, G-Wing is in chaos when the toilets flood with soapy water and a strange effigy of Hollamby is found. Karen is not impressed when none of the officers can provide an explanation for the strange goings on. Shaz and Denny’s public displays of affection soon start to annoy Hollamby and, when she catches them messing around in the cleaners’ cupboard, she vows to split them up.
Renee Williams, a deadly rival of Yvonne’s arrives on G-Wing. When the newcomer is assigned a bunk in the four-bed dorm, Shaz and Denny are gutted that their privacy is now at an end. Renee doesn’t like the arrangement either and shows her displeasure by threatening Denny with a razor blade. She tells Shaz and Denny that she doesn’t like them and that the dorm is her room now.
Julie J gets dolled up for John’s visit. Although she is disappointed that he doesn’t match up to his photo, she still manages to give him hand relief under the table. He is happy until Julie drops the yoghurt pot that she is holding and starts to make a scene. Both Julies are hauled up in front of Karen and their mobile phones are discovered in the process. Although both insist that they are the only ones involved in Babes Behind Bars, Karen orders an immediate search of every cell. The other ‘babes’ manage to dispose of their phones before they are discovered, but Yvonne is furious that her lucrative scam is over.
Renee winds Yvonne up by talking about her husband, Charlie. She reveals that she has slept with him and when Yvonne refuses to believe her, Renee proves it by telling her about a scar Charlie has in a very personal place. Shell is aghast and tries to spur a stunned Yvonne into action. Instead, she returns to her cell and starts sobbing as she looks at Charlie’s photo.
Memorable Moments
Julie S – “Some of them are quite nice, well, for…”
Yvonne – “Wankers?”
Both Julies – “Yeah.”
Julie S – “That’s the trouble with the church…if you ain’t a virgin, they ain’t interested.”
Julie J – “He ain’t interested ‘cause he’s a vicar.”
Renee – “You’d better make sure no-one gets their friggin’ thieving fingers on that stuff.”
Dominic – “Don’t worry; we keep all the thieves under lock and key. That’s why you’re here in case you forgot.”
Hollamby – “She’s got as much chance finding out who clocked Dockley as finding Lord Lucan.”
Julie J – “Supposing he’s dead ugly or there’s something wrong with him?”
Julie S – “When we was working you had ugly men.”
Julie J – “Yeah, but I don’t want ugly kids…do I?”
Renee – “What’s in that?”
Shell – “It’s lasagne.”
Renee – “I know what it is; I asked what was in it?”
Shell – “Do I look like Delia frigging Smith?”
Renee – “How d’you like to have your tits dipped in the chip-pan…darlin’?”
Hollamby – “If there’s one job I loathe here its visiting time…all that pawing and telling each other how much they’ll miss the other. Then afterwards, it’s back to the girlfriend for him and the same for her.”
