A to Z of HMP Larkhall
C
Cake, Darlene
Built like a skyscraper and tough as old boots, Darlene has a tendency to accuse people of racism at the drop of a hat. She initially became Al’s sidekick, and after Al’s death (s6ep6), she was recruited by Natalie and became her first lieutenant (s7ep1), rather reluctantly helping her to enforce her protection racket. Darlene was completely taken in by interior design goddess Catherine Earlham who cruelly manipulated her into killing her troublesome husband. Later, Darlene was overcome by guilt and set fire to herself. Only Donny’s quick-thinking saved her life (s8ep10).
Read Darlene’s character profile.
Cake, Terence
Darlene’s younger brother. He was kidnapped and tortured by yardie gangster Rick Revoir after Darlene stole a bag of his dodgy gear (s6ep6). See Revoir, Rick.
Camera
Scumbag journo Jude Longley smuggled a miniature camera to Buki so that she could take photographs of Charlotte Myddleton zonked out on drugs (s3ep9).
Fenner gave Tina a camera and ordered her to take a photo of Yvonne and Colin in a compromising position (s5ep11). After Noreen’s death, Tina got cold feet and confessed all to Yvonne. As a way of making amends, she then agreed to tempt Fenner into the servery so that Yvonne could take her own photographs (s5ep12).
Canning, Emily
Laura Canning’s older sister. After years of mental abuse, Laura finally flipped and after stabbing her mother to death, she abducted Emily, tied her up and left her to die in a derelict and deserted building. She would have died had Colin not managed to persuade Laura to take him and the police to her (s7ep4).
Canning, Laura
Laura Canning A sweet and innocent looking eighteen-year-old who was sent to Larkhall on remand after brutally stabbing her mother to death. Laura’s sister, Emily, was missing, and the police suspected Laura had killed her too and then hidden the body. Determined to get to the bottom of the mystery, Colin learned of the mental abuse Laura had suffered at the hands of her mother and sister. He eventually managed to persuade Laura to take him and the police to find Emily, but he couldn’t prevent her committing suicide by jumping from a balcony (s7ep4).
Canteen
The prison shop. This is where inmates are allowed to buy cigarettes, shampoo and confectionary etc with their personal spends. The Larkhall canteen was privatised by Neil and placed in Hollamby’s rather dubious care (s4ep2). After swindling the inmates with her (not so) lucky bags and out-of-date crisps, Hollamby received her comeuppance when Cassie and Barbara re-programmed the computer system (s4ep8).
Carriage Clock
Purchased by G-Wing’s POs as a thirtieth anniversary present for the Hollambys. Before it could be presented, it was stolen and smuggled out of Larkhall by Crystal (s2ep13) and later, donated to a charity shop (s3ep2). The clock later resurfaced in the hands of a PO who had spotted it in the charity shop window and as a result, Karen gave Crystal a poor character reference in court. Because of this, she was found guilty of harbouring escapees, Shell and Denny, and returned to Larkhall (s3ep15).
Carter, Ms
Scary-looking butch PO from the DST. She led the team that was sent up to Nikki’s cell to investigate a tip-off and got rather irritated when Nikki mistook her for a man. Carter got her own back by subjecting Nikki to a strip search and forcing her to squat over a mirror (s1ep2).
CCTV
Nikki was caught on CCTV sneaking out of G-Wing in her nurse’s disguise (s2ep13), although what happened to the tape is still a mystery. Eric Bostock planned to have CCTV cameras covering every inch of the prison and several were installed in preparation for the day Linford Securities planned to take over the running of Larkhall (s5ep6).
Frances and Colin used the cameras in the visiting room to watch Rick Revoir’s visit with Tanya. As soon as he produced a razor blade, they swooped. Colin took Rick down while Frances slapped him in a pair of handcuffs (s6ep8).
CCTV brought about Fenner’s temporary downfall when Karen found footage of him running away from her car after the hit-and-run incident that killed a pedestrian (s6ep11). After Fenner’s reinstatement, Di was caught scratching the words “die bastard” onto the paintwork of his car. This became one of the many pieces of circumstantial evidence that led to the police charging her with the evil one’s murder (s7ep11).
Cell Alarm
Every cell on G-Wing has a button that can be used to summon assistance. Alarms have been used to alert the POs to a number of incidents including illness, death, and inmates going into labour. By far the most memorable alarm sounding moment occurred when Kris hit the panic button after Fenner beat her up and then piddled on her (s6ep4).
Cellular Confinement
A punishment inflicted as an alternative to segregation on the punishment block. Shell was confined to her cell after her return from the Muppet Wing (s3ep3), as was Shaz after her fight with Maxi (s4ep12). Snowball was placed on CC for her own protection after Ritchie Atkins’ suicide (s5ep9), and Phyl was locked up, handcuffed to Hollamby and subjected to a bread and water diet by Frances after Bev’s overdose on heroin (s6ep2).
Chapel
Larkhall’s chapel has seen more action than your regular place of worship. As well as a number of memorial services for dead inmates, it was also the scene of Shell’s escape (s3ep7), Crystal’s ‘wedding’ (s3ep10), Barbara’s wedding (s5ep16), the discovery of Maxi’s body (s4ep12), and Julie J’s attempt to seduce the chaplain (s2ep10). Not forgetting the moment Natalie and Kevin were caught in flagrante on the altar by Christy (s7ep13).
Chaplain
Henry’s predecessor. As well as presiding over Zandra and Rachel’s memorial services, he was propositioned by Julie J during her attempt to get pregnant (s2ep10), and then had to deal with Shell’s shenanigans during the service that was filmed by the documentary crew (s3ep7).
Charity Blanket
A long-term project of inmate Sister Thomas More that she hoped would raise money for AIDS sufferers in Africa. Although Hollamby confiscated the blanket, Sister Thomas persuaded Neil to allow her to continue her work, and to enlist some of her fellow G-Wing inmates to assist (s7ep5).
Charlie the Canary
Kept by Shell until she strangled him in a fit of temper (s1ep7). Not to be confused with Charlie Atkins who is not feathered, although just as dead.
Chateau Larkhall
Name given to the “disbleedingusting” hooch brewed by the Julies in Nikki’s watering-can (s1ep8). Phyl and Bev also adopted the name for their own illicit brew, although theirs was somewhat more on the high octane side (s5ep6).
Cheese Straws
Noreen Biggs’s culinary speciality. The recipe was a closely guarded secret that was passed on to Tina after her death (s5ep12). The truth about Noreen’s secret ingredient was revealed shortly afterwards – cigarette ash! Tina whipped up a batch of cheese straws at the request of Neil for his leaving party, although nothing was ever proved, it is suspected that Tina may have spiked one with something nasty for Fenner’s consumption – she seemed rather adamant that he should eat one in particular. Of course, Fenner was later found dead in the hanging cell after being stabbed in the neck (s7ep10).
Chix
The nightclub co-owned by Nikki and her ex-girlfriend, Trisha. Scene of Nikki’s release party and her reconciliation with Helen (s3ep16).
Christmas Carol, A
A Victorian morality tale written by Charles Dickens about an old and bitter miser called Ebenezer Scrooge who undergoes a profound experience of redemption over the course of one evening. Hollamby received a visit from her very own Ghost of Christmas Present, Natalie. Instead of trying to show Bodybag the error of her ways, Natalie congratulated her, even going so far to point out that people had started to hate Hollamby more than they ever hated her. Just like Scrooge, Hollamby woke the next morning full of Christmas spirit and set about righting wrongs (s8ep11).
Claustrophobia
Anxiety caused by a fear of enclosed spaces. Barbara suffered from claustrophobia and the panic attack she suffered as a result of being locked up in the meat wagon contributed to the case of mistaken identity that saw her dragged off down the block in the place of Mad Tessa Spall (s2ep5). Barbara’s claustrophobia was also the reason Karen decided that she should share a cell with Nikki who, as a Lifer, wasn’t supposed to double-up.
Clark, Dionne
When Thomas realised that Shaz was being bullied, he introduced her to Dionne, a kickboxer he was treating for an injury. As well as teaching Shaz how to defend herself, Dionne taught her about self-respect and when to know to walk away (s3ep14).
Client List
A notebook kept by Virginia that detailed the names, addresses and more than likely, the strange sexual preferences of the clients who visited her brothels. The notebook was stolen by an unknown hand and then planted underneath Yvonne’s pillow shortly after Virginia’s death (s3ep16). Its discovery was just one of the pieces of circumstantial evidence that convinced the police to charge Yvonne with the murder (s4ep1).
Closed Visits
During a closed visit, an inmate is separated from their visitor/s by a mesh or glass screen and so no physical contact is possible. This was a punishment inflicted on all of G-Wing’s inmates after Lorna was duped into smuggling drugs for Shell (s1ep9).
Snowball managed to convince Neil to allow her and Ritchie a closed visit. Unbeknownst to Neil, they planned to use the visit to overdose on sleeping pills together. Colin finally sussed the suicide pact in time to save Snowball, but not Ritchie (s5ep7).
Clucking
A term used to describe the withdrawal symptoms suffered by a newborn baby whose mother took drugs during her pregnancy. Zandra’s son Robbie was born addicted to heroin, and so had to remain in hospital while his mother was returned to Larkhall (s2ep1).
CMT
An acronym for Charcot-Marie-Tooth disease: a congenital condition suffered by Buki’s son, Lennox.
Cocaine
Shell and Denny hoovered up lines of cocaine with the ferocity of a pair of Dysons before, during and after the night of terror they inflicted on the Hollambys. At one point, they even forced Hollamby to serve them up lines on a silver platter (s3ep8).
Fenner planted a bag of cocaine in Yvonne’s shoe upon her return from Ritchie’s funeral (s5ep8). Colin later grassed on Fenner to Karen to clear Yvonne’s name (s5ep9).
Cockroaches
One of the many species of creepy crawly that infest Larkhall. The Julies dropped a handful of dead cockroaches into Noreen’s pancake mix during their campaign to get their red-bands back (s4ep8). The plan did backfire somewhat when Crystal was so shocked by the sight of a cockroach in her breakfast, she went into early labour (s4ep9).
Crystal had another close encounter of the cockroach kind whilst on the MBU. Incensed when she found them crawling all over her baby daughter’s cot, she decided to stick a few in an envelope and send them to the Guardian. Luckily for Larkhall’s reputation, the letter was intercepted by Di (s4ep10).
Coffin
Shell was highly amused when she found out that Bobby Hollamby ran his undertaking business from the garage of his home. She scared the pants off Sylvia by popping up out of an empty coffin to announce her arrival and later, nailed Bobby into one before setting fire to it (s3ep8). Although he managed to escape the grim reaper on that occasion, Bobby succumbed a while later, this time at his own hands. He was discovered by Neil and Di, dead inside one of his own coffins after having gassed himself with the exhaust fumes of his hearse (s5ep2).
Janine tripped over her feet at her mother’s funeral and ended up sending the coffin flying, much to the horror of the rest of the congregation (s8ep2).
Colette
A registered foster carer and friend of Pat’s who took over temporary care of Sheena’s son, Dylan (s7ep9). Sheena was later released on electronic tag and went to live with Colette, however, she quickly ran in to trouble again thanks to a visit from her ex-boyfriend, Brendan. Colette witnessed him hiding a bag of drugs in the house and called the police. As a result, Sheena was sent straight back to Larkhall (s7ep12).
Compact
Otherwise known as sentence planning, this is the process designed to help prisoners prepare for their release and make the best use of their time in custody.
Computer
Purchased by Neil and given to Hollamby so that she could computerise the canteen accounts. A complete technophobe who thought that “point and click” meant exactly that, Hollamby was forced to bribe Barbara to do the work for her (s4ep3).
Neil was so impressed by the work Hollamby – or rather Barbara – did on the canteen accounts that he arranged for her to pass her IT skills on to the inmates. Hollamby had other ideas and once again, roped Barbara in to help. Left to their own devices, the inmates entertained themselves by playing shoot ‘em up games and printing off porn (s4ep5).
Condoms
Filled with water and pushed through the hatch in Shell’s cell-door after lock-up by Shell and Denny. Shell was not impressed when she woke to find her cell swimming in an inch of water (s2ep10).
Connor, Aidan
Roisin’s husband. He was scandalised by his wife’s arrest and subsequent conviction, but decided to stick by her. However, Roisin had other ideas and finally confessed to being in love with Cassie (s4ep13).
Connor, Roisin
Roisin was sent to Larkhall on a four year stretch after trying to cover up the dodgy dealings of her boss and secret girlfriend Cassie. After a period of deep depression and heavy drug use, Roisin came out to her husband and then went on to save Neil’s life after Snowball’s bomb exploded in the library (s4ep16). Roisin received a pardon for her act of heroism and is now presumably living happily ever after with Cassie.
Read Roisin’s character profile.
Coronary Heart Disease
A preventable disease that kills more than 110,000 people in England every year. It was discovered that Neil had been suffering from CHD, and that the condition may have contributed to his death after he contracted Legionnaire’s Disease (s8ep1).
Costa Cons
Nickname given to Phyl and Bev because of the crimes they committed on Spain’s Costa del Sol. Amongst other things, they sold nonexistent golf course and villas to unsuspecting tourist, cheating most of them out of their life savings in the process.
Crack
Buki was a heavy crack user when she first arrived at Larkhall, but gave up her habit in exchange for being allowed to work on the MBU (s4ep9). Natalie forced Janine to smuggle a bag of crack back from her mother’s funeral, but Lou discovered it hidden inside one of the heels of her shoes (s8ep2).
Credit Card Fraud
A kind of fraud where a seller is tricked into releasing merchandise or rendering services, believing that a credit card account will provide payment. Zandra was serving time for credit card fraud, although she actually took the rap for her then fiancé, Robin. It was also the crime committed by Janine and Arun.
Criminal Cases Review Commission (CCRC)
An independent public body that was set up to investigate possible miscarriages of justice in England, Wales and Northern Ireland. The CCRC assesses whether convictions or sentences should be referred to a court of appeal.
Crotch Grabbing
I.e. the forcible grabbing of another person’s crotch. Once inflicted on Helen by Fenner (s3ep6).
Crown Prosecution Service (CPS)
An impartial government department that is responsible for the public prosecution of people charged with criminal offences in England and Wales. When the police charge a suspect with a criminal offence, all of the evidence collected against them is sent to the CPS. They will then decide if the police have collected enough evidence to secure a conviction. If the evidence is considered to be insufficient, the go-ahead will not be given. Once the decision is made to prosecute, the CPS conducts the prosecution and has the power to continue or discontinue the proceedings.
Crucifix
Josh delighted Crystal when he presented her with a gold crucifix during the early stages of their relationship (s2ep6). Arun also wore a gold crucifix, until it and a bag of hormone pills were stolen by Janine (s7ep3). Although the crucifix was later returned to Arun, the pills weren’t.
Chaplain Christy Mackay used a large wooden crucifix to help her exorcise the evil spirits present on G-Wing on Christmas Eve. The crucifix was later sharpened and used by Miranda ‘daughter of Satan’ Miles to stab Christy to death in the shower (s7ep13).
Crutching
This is the most popular method employed by prisoners to smuggle drugs or other contraband into Larkhall. Items are secreted inside a condom or the finger of a plastic glove and are then concealed inside the body of the inmate. Zandra and Darlene have both crutched drugs in to Larkhall. Miranda ‘daughter of Satan’ Miles crutched a full set of Russian Matryoshka dolls (s7ep13)! Natalie proved that her evil really did know no bounds by arranging for a young girl to crutch drugs into the visiting room (s8ep5). See Andrews, Vanessa, De-crutching.
Crystal Meth
When smoked, Methylamphetamine, aka crystal meth produces a very intense rush similar to that produced by crack, but longer-lasting. It is highly addictive. Most of the chemicals needed to make crystal meth are readily available in household products and so when Natalie heard that Emira – a chemistry postgraduate student – was on her way to Larkhall, she thought that she’d found herself the ideal candidate to set up a mini meth lab. Natalie’s plan backfired when the Julies spotted Emira spooning crystals out of her kettle and jumped to the conclusion that she was concocting ricin (s8ep1).
Cutting Up
A common form of self-harm that involves making shallow cuts to the skin of the arms or legs. Buki was well known for cutting herself as a form of emotional release.