A to Z of HMP Larkhall
F
Farmer, John
The pseudonym used by Fenner while he was collecting the earnings from Virginia’s brothels (s3ep14-ep15).
Fashion Show
G-Wing took part in a fashion show performed by the inmates of Larkhall before a number of VIP visitors. Helen banned G-Wing from participating after Nikki instructed her to “stuff your stupid fashion show up your arse”, but was later overruled by Simon (s1ep1).
Fenner, Jim
During his time on G-Wing, Fenner seduced vulnerable young women, knocked inmates about, lied, cheated and would basically stop at nothing to cover it all up... even murder. He did eventually get what was coming to him when he was murdered violently in the hanging cell. In a death that was even more complicated and drawn-out than Rasputin’s, he was gassed, poisoned, shot with a blow-dart and then eventually finished off with an ice dagger in the jugular (s7ep10). Although we all thought we’d seen the back of him, Fenner returned for a final time in the form of a ghoulish apparition stalking the landings of G-Wing (s7ep13).
Read Fenner’s character profile.
Fenner, Marilyn
Fenner’s gullible ex-wife. Remembered with fondness for turning up at the prison gates in a fury and slapping Fenner round the chops after finding out with his affair with Shell. Her parting line – “your shirts aren’t ironed” – will go down in TV history (s2ep2).
Fiona
Pain in the bum producer from Kickin’ Productions who was in overall charge of shooting the ill-fated fly-on-the-wall documentary Lady Lags. Fiona managed to get up a lot of people’s noses, particularly Helen’s when she and her crew tried to gatecrash a lifers’ meeting (s3ep7).
Fisk, Mrs
Wife of the man who died of a heart attack during Tina’s bungled building society hold-up (s8ep8). She visited a guilt-stricken Tina in Larkhall and revealed that her husband was a vicious bully who she’d wished dead for years. She also admitted to feeding him cholesterol laden food over a period of years in the hope that his heart would give out – she never dreamed that someone else would be involved when he finally dropped dead (s8ep7).
Fisk, Tom
Seemingly innocent victim of Tina’s bungled building society hold-up. He was terrified when she started waving a replica gun around and suffered a fatal heart attack (s8ep7). Tina was plagued with guilt about the incident until she received a visit from Fisk’s wife – her husband was a vicious bully she’d been wishing dead for years (s8ep8).
Flowers
Nikki picked a bunch of flowers and took them to Monica after her son, Spencer’s death (s1ep9). Yvonne has twice received bouquets. The first was from Charlie and was ruined when Hollamby vindictively left it to dry out on top of a radiator (s2ep2). The second bouquet was from her son Ritchie, although his altruistic gesture was later discovered to be part of Snowball’s escape plan (s4ep16).
Mark gave Gina flowers in a pathetic attempt to apologise for shagging Di in the Officer’s Club toilets. Unsurprisingly, they ended up in the nearest bin (s3ep14). Yvonne left a huge bunch of lilies at the foot of Shaz’s memorial rosebush (s5ep1) and in turn, Julie J left a bunch of flowers at the scene of Yvonne’s demise in the hanging cell (s6ep2).
Floyd, Vicky
G-Wing PO who, although not a major character, was a permanent fixture during Series 7. She was a foil for Hollamby (although she quite clearly felt uncomfortable around Arun) and tended mostly to be an island of sanity in a sea of Fenner versus Di, Di versus Natalie and Colin versus himself!
Food Poisoning
In this case, Snowball’s self-inflicted bout of salmonella, caused by force-feeding herself raw chicken until she was deemed ill enough to be transferred to a local hospital. The fact that Ritchie was convalescing from his gunshot wound in that particular hospital was no coincidence (s5ep3-ep4).
Ford, Nurse
The name Nikki used to sign herself out of Larkhall whilst disguised as a nurse (s2ep13).
Foster, Mrs
The wife of one of the “oldies” Shaz poisoned. Concerned that Shaz seemed to have absolutely no concept of the seriousness of the crime she’d committed, Helen asked Mrs Foster to visit her. Predictably, Shaz thought the whole thing was a waste of time, but then her conscience kicked in during the meeting and she began to face up to what she'd done (s2ep12).
Four-bed Dorm
The four-bunk double cell on G1. Scene of many a drama over the years including: the births of Crystal’s daughter Zandra (s4ep9) and Janine and Donny’s daughter Beverley Janine (s8ep11). The dorm should be avoided by new inmates at all costs due to the abnormally high mortality rate of its occupants; they include Rachel, Zandra, Renee Williams, Al and Shaz. See Bunk of Doom.
Frank
Lecherous baker’s delivery man who gave boxes of cakes to Phyl and Bev that were then swapped for bottles of booze from the Officer’s Club. The scheme backfired when Frank lost patience with the promise of sexual favours and tried to rape Phyl. He was brained by a saucepan-toting Bev (s7ep9).
Freezer
On the face of it, a pretty unlikely source of a murder weapon... until of course Julie J came up with the idea of chipping away a sharp piece of ice. The resulting ice-dagger was plunged into Fenner’s neck. As he bled to death on the floor of the hanging cell, it melted away – the perfect murder weapon (s7ep10). As well as a chest freezer, the G-Wing kitchen also has a large walk-in freezer, used by Pat to temporarily store Natalie’s corpse (s8ep7).
French Maid’s Outfit
Shell found this peculiar item of clothing in the Hollamby’s laundry basket. After subjecting Hollamby to a strip search, Shell and Denny forced her to dress in the outfit and then serve up lines of cocaine on a silver platter (s3ep8). As well as the French maid’s outfit, Shell and Denny also discovered a pair of handcuffs in the Hollamby’s bedroom... far, far more than we ever needed to know about their love life!
‘Frere Jacques’
A well-known French children’s song. Translations of the song with the same tune are found in almost every country in Europe. Larkhall also has its own version, written by the Julies:
Bloody rubbish
Bloody rubbish
Place is this
Place is this
Bodybag and Fenner
Who’ll give me a tenner,
To wipe ‘em out?
Wipe ‘em out
Funeral
Helen escorted Monica to her son, Spencer’s funeral and was forced to look on as the grief-stricken inmate threw herself onto her son’s coffin (s1ep8). Poor Tina was rejected by her father at Maxi’s funeral and as a consequence, disowned her family and changed her name to Julie O’Kane (s4ep12).
Fenner saw Ritchie Atkins’s funeral as an opportunity to plant drugs on Yvonne (s5ep8) but was thwarted when Colin snitched on him (s5ep9). Similarly, Natalie saw an opportunity in the death of Janine’s mum and forced her to mule drugs back from the funeral for her (s8ep2).
The only funeral that has ever taken place with Larkhall’s walls was that of baby Baxter Hardng. The sight of his tiny coffin proved too much for many of the women (s4ep11).