A to Z of HMP Larkhall
G
Garden Cane
Al and Tina wrote a series of letters to Di in which their violent alter-ego Gnasher threatened to impale her on a sharp stick. In order to make the threats a reality, they stole a length of cane from the garden and sharpened one end. Luckily for her, Di figured out their plan before any real harm was done (s5ep3). See Gnasher.
In need of some protection from Fenner, Pat made herself a weapon by sharpening the end of a garden cane and smuggled it on to the wing, seemingly right under Di’s nose (s7ep10). The weapon was found during a search after Fenner’s murder, making Pat the logical prime suspect, especially when traces of blood were discovered on it. However, analysis of the blood on the end of the cane – it was Pat’s own, not Fenner’s – exonerated Pat and the onus of the police investigation switched to Di (s7ep11).
Gary
A drug-dealing mate of Denny’s who provided her and Shell with a place to lie low after their escape from Larkhall. The fugitives repaid him by snorting all of his cocaine and stealing his cash (s3ep8).
Geeson, Selena
Although she only joined the Prison Service to be close to Kris, Selena turned out to be very good at her job. In fact, she was one of the tiny minority of G-Wing’s POs who managed to be competent, efficient and sane! However, her relationship with Kris could only be kept a secret for so long and when it eventually came to light, her blossoming career was over (s6ep12).
Read Selena’s character profile.
Gin and Tonic
Phyl and Bev’s alcoholic tipple of choice. They initially smuggled a supply in to Larkhall hidden inside Bev’s art kit (s5ep3) and have since devoted the majority of their time to the continuing pursuit of it.
Gnasher
Pen-name used by Al and Tina to sign threatening letters to Di (s5ep2). Shortly after Di uncovered their plot, she adopted the Gnasher pseudonym herself and sent several notes to Neil. She deluded herself that the threats might force Neil to see the error of his homosexual ways and take his marriage vows seriously. The plan failed, providing Neil with yet more proof of Di’s loopiness.
Goodhue, Mandy
Although not the brightest bulb in the pack, Mandy is a good sort. She’s black and openly gay, but despite this, has formed an unlikely alliance with Larkhall’s most homophobic and racist member of staff – Hollamby. Mandy lived in marital bliss with her long-time partner, Sandy, until being dumped in favour of another Larkhall PO (s8ep11).
Read Mandy’s character profile.
Gordon, Crystal
A devout Christian who drove everyone on G-Wing to distraction with her hymn singing, guitar strumming, and constant preaching. A softer side of Crystal was revealed when she fell for maintenance man, Josh Mitchell, and then moved in with him after her release (s2ep13). Crystal’s post-release happiness was short-lived though and, after a visit from escapees Shell and Denny (s3ep8), she ended up back behind bars (s3ep9). Although initially furious, Josh softened enough to marry Crystal in a secret ceremony (s3ep10). Their union was consummated in the laundry cupboard and nine months later, their daughter, Zandra, was born on the floor of the four-bed dorm (s4ep9).
Read Crystal’s character profile.
Gossard, Detective Constable
The policeman killed by Nikki whilst he was in the process of trying to rape her then girlfriend, Trisha. Several years later, Nikki’s solicitor found a former colleague of Gossard’s – a woman called Sally Ann Howe – who was prepared to testify that he raped her. As a result of this, Nikki was given leave to appeal her sentence. Sally Anne’s testimony was enough to support Nikki’s claims of provocation and her murder conviction was reduced to one of manslaughter (s3ep16).
Gough, Stella
Transfer from HMP Broadfield whose ambition to join the Army brought her to the attention of Joy (s8ep4). Several of G-Wing’s inmates suspected Stella of having the hots for Joy, but they couldn’t have been more wrong – she was in actual fact the daughter Joy gave up for adoption. Stella had been brought up to believe that she was the result of a rape, but it later transpired that Joy had lied about this to make the adoption process easier. Stella reacted violently to this revelation and after attacking Joy with a shiv, was transferred out of Larkhall for good (s8ep5).
Graffiti
Boredom induced Zandra to write the phrase “Get to fuck” on an anti-drugs poster (s1ep2), whilst it was Shell who forced Barbara to scrawl the accusation “Fenner is a rapist” on a corridor wall (s2ep6). The Julies proclaimed that Yvonne was innocent of Virginia’s murder with black marker pens, unmasking the real perpetrators in the process: “Maxi Purvis + Al McKenzie done it” (s4ep3). The words “Adios Atkins” were painted on an exterior wall after Yvonne’s ‘escape’ and they kept appearing, no matter how many times Di ordered them to be scrubbed off (s6ep1).
Grass
Slang term for anyone who informs on a fellow inmate.
Grayling, Neil
Gay Governing Governor who arrived at Larkhall with a line in patronising smiles and management gobbledegook (s4ep2). At first, he was so desperate to stay in the closet that he entered into a disastrous marriage of convenience with Di (s4ep15) and also deluded enough to actually want to sexually harass Fenner. Later, he decided to come out and at about the same time, actually developed a conscience. Neil’s career in the Prison Service was ultimately doomed though and after a series of incidents, he was replaced as Number One by Joy and demoted to G-Wing Governor (s7ep11). He was later found dead in his office, a victim of the outbreak of Legionnaire’s disease that also killed an inmate (s8ep1).
Read Neil’s character profile.
Group Therapy
One of Karen’s first decisions after taking over as G-Wing Governor was to arrange a series of group sessions to be chaired by her friend, therapist Meg Richards (s2ep5). Although a good idea in theory, in practise they had a detrimental effect on Shell’s mental stability. After Shell threatened to hang herself from the G3 landing, Karen and Meg decided that Larkhall wasn’t ready for group therapy and cancelled the sessions (s2ep6).
Guardian, The
A British newspaper known for its support of left-wing politics and which has twice inspired Crystal’s muse. Her first letter forced Helen’s anti-drug policy unto the spotlight, placing her career in jeopardy in the process (s1ep9). Crystal’s second letter was written shortly after the birth of her daughter and contained a number of dead cockroaches from the MBU (s4ep9). This time, Di intercepted the letter before it reached the newspaper.
Guitar
Over the years Crystal has driven Hollamby to distraction with her hymn singing and guitar strumming. When something was needed to force the POs into signing a petition, Yvonne arranged for twelve guitars to be delivered and formed the Larkhall Gospel Tabernacle Choir. The ensuing cacophony forced everyone, including Hollamby, to sign on the dotted line (s1ep10). Shaz was also a bit handy with a plectrum and once charmed everybody with her rendition of ‘Scarborough Fair’ (s3ep3).
Gun
Planted in Karen’s handbag by Ritchie Atkins (s4ep16) and later stolen and smuggled to Snowball by inmate Terri Johns (s5ep1). Snowball used the gun to force Karen to smuggle her out of Larkhall and then drive her to meet Ritchie (s5ep2). Ritchie stepped in when Snowball tried to kill Karen and was shot in the ensuing struggle (s5ep3).
Phyl and Bev discovered a gun and a bag of diamonds hidden in a safe belonging to the Russian gangster Sergei Konchalovsky. Phyl later used the gun to shoot Dr Nicholson dead when she and Bev interrupted his attempt to murder Hollamby (s7ep9).
Tina stole one of the toy guns that made up Mandy’s line-dancing outfit and used it to stage an armed robbery in a building society. Tina’s intention was to earn herself a one-way ticket back to G-Wing, but her plan backfired spectacularly when one of her hostages died of a heart attack (s8ep7).
Gym
Frequently used by the inmates to settle their differences. Shaz battered the living daylights out of Maxi during their organised scrap (s4ep11). Pat’s battle royal with Natalie was much more of an even match until Pat eventually came out on top (s7ep7).
The prison gym is also sometimes used as a place of exercise. Denny and the Julies gleefully gathered there to watch Hollamby being put through her paces by the personal trainer hired by Karen (s2ep6). Joy organised a fitness session for Stella, Darlene and Tina that nearly ended in disaster when Stella took a tumble from the climbing ropes (s8ep4).