A to Z of HMP Larkhall
There’s the van that delivers inmates to Larkhall to serve their sentences, and the one that’s used to transfer prisoners between prisons. This is usually a large vehicle in which each inmate is locked inside an individual cell within the van. However, a normal Transit was used to transfer Kris to HMP Brightwell, something that came in handy when she called on a gang of her former colleagues to force it to crash and then help her make her escape (s6ep11).
The crew from Kickin’ Productions used a van to carry their equipment while they were filming a fly-on-the-wall documentary at Larkhall. Fenner gave Shell a copy of the keys for the van when he helped her to escape and, with Shaz and Denny hidden in the back, she drove it through the front gates and out to freedom. Shell suffered from a bout of road-rage when another car tried to cut her up. She went after the other car, they collided and the van came off worse (s3ep7).
Phyl and Bev also used a van to make their escape. In this case, the van belonged to the bakery and was being driven by pervy delivery man Frank. He tried to rape Phyl and was knocked out by a saucepan-wielding Bev. With Frank spark out, Phyl propped him up in the driver’s seat and managed to steer it out of the prison hidden under the seat beside his unconscious body. Phyl and Bev dumped the van, Frank (and Tina who was hidden in the back and tied up with cling film) and then made their escape to Spain (s7ep9).
The most effective long-term contraceptive method. Firmly against the idea of having children with his broody wife Di, Fenner subjected himself to the pain of a secret vasectomy (s7ep4).
Neil’s boyfriend. He walked into the crossfire between Neil and his then ‘convenient’ wife, Di and ended up being blackmailed by her to collect Neil’s sperm for artificial insemination purposes (s5ep6). Di’s plan backfired when Tony decided to mix his own sperm with Neil’s in the mistaken belief that the baby would be fathered by both of them (s5ep7). Livid when she discovered that the baby she was carrying was actually Tony’s (s5ep10), Di nevertheless agreed to carry the baby full-term and then give it to him and Neil to raise in exchange for Neil wangling her the Wing Governor’s job (s5ep11). Unbeknownst to them, Di aborted the baby and then went through the charade of a miscarriage (s5ep15). As a result, Tony dumped Neil.
A drug prescribed for men who have erectile dysfunction. Perhaps unsurprisingly, Dr Nicholson found the need to pop a little blue pill before consummating his marriage with Hollamby (s7ep9).
Any inmate who wishes to receive a visit must complete one of these forms and post it to the person they wish to visit them. Unless in extreme circumstances – any only then under the discretion of a Governor – a visitor is not allowed to see and inmate unless they have a VO with them.
Larkhall has two types of visiting room. Most inmates receive their visits in a communal room under the watchful eye of the screws. Under certain special circumstances, inmates are allowed to receive private visits – e.g. to consult with a legal advisor or on compassionate grounds. Fenner offered to set up a private visit for Yvonne and her husband Charlie in exchange for cash (s2ep5). Yvonne also took advantage of a legal visit to arrange a private room for her and her solicitor. Unbeknownst to the screws, this particular solicitor was “packing a different set of briefs” and was actually a male escort (s3ep4).
Helen always seemed to hit the voddie at the end of a crap day at work. Phyl and Bev received bottles of vodka from Denise – one of the red-bands who worked in the Officer’s Club – in exchange for the boxes of cream cakes they wheedled out of the baker’s delivery man (s7ep3-ep9).
Although several inmates have thrown up at some stage or another – Zandra drove Denny mad by puking up almost constantly whilst going cold turkey (s1ep3), and Kris lost her lunch shortly after finding Yvonne’s body (s6ep1) – surely nothing compares to the vomit-fest that saw practically every inmate on G-Wing throwing up until the whole prison was practically awash with the stuff. This was a result of the milk that Phyl and Bev spiked with poisonous extract of rhubarb leaves ending up in the inmates’ pancakes rather than the screw’s tea as intended (s6ep6).
Dubbed ‘Mini Bev’, the voodoo doll that was so effective at scaring the pants off Hollamby was originally made by Natalie and planted underneath Darlene’s pillow to teach her a lesson (s6ep12). The doll was then passed on to Bev when Natalie had a change of heart (s7ep1). Hollamby fell hook, line and sinker for Phyl and Bev’s tricks and even resorted to drinking her own wee four times a day in order to break the curse (s7ep2).
Vulnerable Prisoners Unit (VPU)
This is usually a separate wing inside a prison which is used to accommodate prisoners classified as vulnerable, such as sex offenders and former police officers. As a former screw, Fenner was subject to violent abuse during his brief spell behind bars and so requested a move to the VPU (s7ep1).