F

False Nails
Impractical and dangerous looking talons that adorned Tanya’s fingers until they were ripped off by Al and Darlene (s6ep6).

Farmer, John
The pseudonym used by Fenner when he collected the earnings from Virginia’s brothels (s3ep14 – 15).

Fashion Show
Larkhall took part in a fashion show performed before a number of VIP visitors (s1ep1). Helen banned G-Wing from participating after Nikki instructed her to “stuff your stupid fashion show up your arse”, but was later overruled by Stubberfield.

Fat Controller
Nickname bestowed on Simon Stubberfield by Bad Girls fans. His resemblance to the character of the Fat Controller in the Thomas the Tank Engine stories is uncanny!

Felicity
Otherwise known as Everest in a dress—humongous extra who was regularly seen hanging around in the background during Series 1 – 3.

Fenner, Becky
Fenner’s daughter. She was a bridesmaid at his and Di’s wedding (s6ep12).

Fenner, Jim
G-Wing’s own misogynist bastard in residence during series 1 – 7. He seduced vulnerable young women, knocked inmates about, lied, cheated, and would stop at nothing to achieve his own aims… even murder. Fenner did eventually get what was coming to him when he was murdered in the hanging cell. In a death that was even more complicated and drawn-out than Rasputin’s, he was gassed, shot with a poisoned blow-dart, and then eventually finished off with an ice-dagger in the neck (s8ep10). Although we all thought we’d seen the back of him, Fenner returned for a final time in the form of a ghoulish apparition (s7ep13).

Read Fenner’s character profile.

Fenner, Marilyn
Fenner’s gullible ex-wife and the owner of some of the worst cardigans in TV history. Fondly remembered for turning up at the prison gates in a fury after finding out about his affair with Shell. After slapping the evil one a good ‘un round the kisser, she threw a bag of clothes at him and screamed the now immortal line, “your shirts aren’t ironed” (s2ep2).

Fenner, Tom
Fenner’s son.

Fergus, Mr
Area big-wig who launched an investigation into how Phyl and Bev managed to escape. The findings of this investigation resulted in Neil’s demotion to G-Wing Governor (s7ep10).

Fiona
Pain in the bum producer from Kickin’ Productions who was in overall charge of shooting the ill-fated fly-on-the-wall documentary, Lady Lags. During her time on G-Wing, Fiona managed to get up a lot of people’s noses, particularly Helen’s when she and her crew tried to gate-crash a lifers’ meeting (s3ep7).

Fireworks
Yvonne arranged for a firework display just outside the prison walls as a wedding present for Crystal and Josh (s3ep10).

Fish, Michael
A retired BBC weatherman. He came under significant, but largely unfounded, public criticism in the wake of the Great Storm of 1987; a few hours before the storm broke, he said during a forecast: “Earlier on today, apparently, a woman rang the BBC and said she heard there was a hurricane on the way… well if you’re watching, don’t worry, there isn’t!”. That evening, the worst storm to hit Britain’s South-East since 1703 caused record damage and killed nineteen people. Michael was brought out of mothballs for the 2005 Christmas Special (s7ep13) to deny reports that a snow storm was about to hit London… wrong again!

Fisk, Mrs
Wife of the man who died of a heart attack during Tina’s bungled building society hold-up. She visited guilt-stricken Tina in Larkhall and dropped a bombshell—her husband was a vicious bully who she’d wished dead for years! She had systematically fed Mr Fisk fatty, cholesterol-laden food in the hope his heart would give out and never dreamed that someone else would be involved when he finally dropped dead (s8ep8).

Fisk, Tom
Seemingly innocent victim of Tina’s bungled building society hold-up. Terrified when she began waving a replica gun around, he suffered a heart-attack and croaked (s8ep7). Tina was plagued with guilt until she received a visit from Fisk’s wife—her husband was a vicious bully and she’d been wishing him dead for years (s8ep8).

Fitt, Nurse
Worked on the medical wing during Series 8. She was the unfortunate recipient of a full bed-pan in the face when rampant paranoia caused Phyl to flip out. Of course, the paranoia was merely a ruse to earn a temporary transfer to a cushy psychiatric clinic (s8ep2).

Flip-flops
Nikki and Shell both wore them. Shell’s were of the unfeasibly high platform variety, and Nikki’s were rarely seen, but quite clearly heard, whenever she stormed off in yet another strop.

Flowers
Nikki picked a bunch of flowers and took them to Monica after her son, Spencer’s death (s1ep9). Yvonne has twice received bouquets. The first was from her husband, Charlie, and was ruined when vindictive Hollamby left it to dry out on top of a radiator (s2ep2). The second bouquet was from her son Ritchie, although his altruistic gesture was later discovered to be part of Snowball’s escape plan (s4ep16).

Mark gave Gina flowers in a pathetic attempt to apologise for shagging Di in the PO’s club toilets. Unsurprisingly, they ended up in the bin (s3ep14). Yvonne left a huge bunch of lilies at the foot of Shaz’s memorial rose bush (s5ep1) and in turn, Julie J left a bunch of flowers at the scene of Yvonne’s demise, the hanging cell (s6ep1).

Floyd, Vicky
G-Wing PO who, although not a major character, was often seen during Series 7.

Fluffy Slippers
Worn by the Julies because… well… they’re the Julies!

Food Poisoning
In this case, Snowball’s self-inflicted bout of salmonella—she force-fed herself raw chicken until she was deemed ill enough to be transferred to the nearby hospital. The fact that Ritchie was convalescing from his gunshot wound in this particular hospital was no coincidence (s5ep3 – ep4).

Ford, Nurse
The name Nikki used to sign herself out of Larkhall whilst disguised as a nurse (s2ep13).

Fossmore
The secure psychiatric unit Shell was ghosted to after Fenner and Colin falsely accused her of trying to smother her baby son, Ronan (s5ep4).

Mrs Foster
The wife of one of the “oldies” Shaz poisoned. Helen asked Mrs Foster to visit Shaz in an attempt to force her to face up to her crime (s2ep12).

Four-bed Dorm
The four-bunk double cell on G1. Scene of much drama over the years, including the births of Crystal’s daughter, Zandra (s4ep9), and Janine’s daughter, Beverley Janine (s8ep11). The dorm should be avoided by new inmates at all costs due to the abnormally high death rate of its inhabitants; they include, Rachel, Zandra, Renee Williams, Al, and Shaz (see Bunk of Doom).

Frank
Lecherous baker’s delivery man who gave boxes of cakes to Phyl and Bev in exchange for sexual favours. Phyl and Bev then swapped the cakes for bottles of booze from the PO’s club. The scheme backfired when Frank tried to rape Phyl and was then brained by a saucepan toting Bev (s7ep9).

Franklin, Susan
The barrister who defended the Julies at their GBH trial (s4ep13).

Freezer
On the face of it, the unlikely source of a murder weapon… until of course Julie J came up with the idea of chipping away a sharp piece of ice. The resulting ice-dagger was plunged into Fenner’s neck and, as he bled to death on the floor, it melted away (s7ep10). As well as a chest freezer, the G-Wing kitchen also has a large walk-in freezer that was used by Pat to temporarily store Natalie’s corpse (s8ep7).

French Maid Outfit
Shell found this particular item of clothing lurking in the Hollamby’s laundry basket and it became one of many props used to terrorise Sylvia. After subjecting her to a strip-search, Shell and Denny forced Hollamby to dress in the outfit and then serve them lines of cocaine from a silver platter (s3ep8). As well as the French Maid’s outfit, Shell and Denny also discovered a pair of handcuffs in the Hollamby’s bedroom… far, far more than we needed to know about their love life!

‘Frere Jacques’
A well-known French children’s song. Although translations of the song with the same tune are found in almost every country in Europe, the Julies chose to create their own lyrics (s2ep4):

Bloody rubbish
Bloody rubbish
Place is this
Place is this

Bodybag and Fenner,
Who’ll give me a tenner,
To wipe ‘em out?
Wipe ‘em out.